The fact that she is your wife does not (or should not in our opinion) prevent her from enjoying sex with other men (or you with other women).
Are you wondering how to talk to your wife about exploring this lifestyle?.
Even bringing this topic up for conversation between you and your wife can be a daunting thing and especially if you have never done anything like it before.
So what is Swinging?
Swingers are couples or singles who choose to have an open relationship, allowing their partners to have sex with other people, with their permission, of course.
In the swinging world, couples make their own rules around what they need within relationships and marriages and vow to abide by the boundaries set forth. Couples or singles who select this type of lifestyle seek one or many partners for the pure excitement of getting from one partner what they don’t receive from their “main partner”, the number one significant other in their life.
You need to keep one golden rule in mind before you jump into this; the only real, healthy, active swinging relationship that can exist is one with mutual consent, so it’s key to get the discussion started in a respectful way that acknowledges your partner’s needs, insecurities and boundaries.
What type of relationship is suited to the lifestyle?
Ideally, you, your partner and your relationship should already have a strong foundation to build on. It doesn’t matter if you are a long-established couple, or a reasonably new partnership, if you have love, communication and great sex, you already have the building blocks in place for a strong swinger relationship.
Swinger sex should never replace the sex you have as a couple; it should only enhance your already enjoyable sex life. A regular question I hear from couples is ‘ does swinging replace the sex I have with my partner? Our answer to that is nope.
Swinging, in whatever capacity, is sex that takes place together; wheater that’s full swap, soft swap or same room swinging. Even if it’s in the same venue but in different locations, it is still swinging as you are both present. In my opinion, sex outside of these boundaries is either cheating on one another or you're having an ‘open’ relationship, which again, isn't swinging.
Before I go into our list of tips, I want to stress that you can't coerce or pressure anyone into swinging, sex or any form of intimacy. If they don't want to try it, then respect their wishes.
Read Up & Play
Read blogs and other peoples' experiences of swinging together, to get a realistic idea of what the lifestyle is all about. I and Danuthri spent months online and on the bed with each other in our early stages.
Watch Adult Movies Together
If you and your partner haven’t even watched adult movies together, now is the time to do that.
Watching adult movies is a great way to bring someone else into your sex life without really bringing them into it. Instead of getting turned on simply by each other, you’re now turned on by someone else (porn stars).
Many couples watch porn together. Porn can help them come up with new ideas for sex moves and role play, and it can also help them to get aroused when perhaps their sex drive is otherwise a bit low.
For swingers, group sex scenes can show you what’s possible with more than two people.
But make a note that porn movies are "movies " with performers. You can't expect to do the same acts you see in movies with your partner.
In fact, you don’t need to start off with hardcore adult movies but could instead try soft-core sex, such as Playboy TV. If you are looking for some movies or shows to watch, check out our post 5 Movies and TV shows to spice up your Swinging Lifestyle.
Explain To Her Why Swinging Interests You
If your wife has never seriously considered swinging before, she’ll need to know why you want to try it. Miscommunication can do a lot of damage to both of you if you don't handle this situation properly.
Spend some time explaining your point of view. Tell her that you still love her, but you want to spice things up in the bedroom.
In my opinion, make sure she knows that swinging doesn’t involve making an emotional connection with other people. Swinging is purely sex. It’s not romantic; nobody falls in love. People just have sex with other people – that’s it.
Even to date, me and Danuthri are in this understanding. We have made good friends in this lifestyle, but our interaction with our circle is purely intimate and all of us leave any room for emotional attachment.
Establish Rules
To overcome any resistance your wife might have when it comes to swinging, you should establish some rules with her. These rules will give her reassurance and a bit of peace of mind, and this should make her feel more confident about the whole thing.
For example, if she doesn’t want you to kiss anyone else the first time you go swinging, you can establish this as a rule. Or, if you’re really into a particular couple but she’s not, she should be able to tell you and you’ll listen. (communication is a two-way street!!)
You could also establish rules for things such as penetration (will it be allowed the first time you go swinging?), anal sex, and whether or not you should have sex with the same couple twice.
Danuthri has a big no for Anal. She doesn't like facial hair that much and so when we pick our dates, we keep those little rules to check.
So start your conversation now and we hope you and your wife can live out your fantasies soon.
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