Let's face it, swinging is fun. It's a way to make new connections. But we all have to agree that, the most important relationship is with our special someone. No matter what happens in the lifestyle, we go home with our special someone that we love and want to share a happy life forever and ever.
One of the most important aspects of your life with your partner is communication. The quality of communication in a relationship determines the quality of the relationship itself.
Let's forget all those complex formulas for communication. Any communication techniques must be simple enough for you and your partner to utilize them when there is a conflict, emotions are high, and no one is thinking clearly.
Shift from "Me" "You" to "Us"
Unfortunately, a lot of conversations between couples take the form of “You” vs “Me”.
- Listen to what I am telling you.
- You do not understand me.
- I know what you should be doing.
- You cannot tell me what I should do.
- It is your fault.
- You made me feel this way.
This form of communication can turn on the blame and guilt and turn off personal accountability, compassion, understanding, and cooperation.
Trust me, when me and Danuthri also have a little bit of a stronger chat, we've noticed that "me" and "you" paint a whole different picture to our conversation. And changing to "us" puts a lot of pressure off of us and we each feel more important to the other person.
Listen carefully
Listening is not only limited to the words coming out of the other person. Pay close attention to your partner(s) non-verbal communications, and actions as well. Because humans say a lot from their behavior than actual words. You can read a more recent post on this topic here.
We think we know our partners so well that we no longer have to listen to them. Or we hear the words but ignore the body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal communication.
Me and Danuthri have been married for almost 9 years now and we've been dating for 3 years before that. One could think that we now know about each other of everything there is. But that would be totally bull. Even now we find new things about each other. And most of it comes from looking at each other's behavior and body language. Especially the intimate ones.
Address challenges as soon as possible
As you might have also seen, there are many relationships in which a problem only gets addressed when one or more people are already well past fed up with it.
We sometimes tolerate things we are not comfortable with within our attempts to present ourselves as the opposite of needy, demanding, or difficult. The problem, however, will not disappear. Silence tends to reinforce its repetition.
So don't wait until the challenges pile up on you two. Make your environment as such you can open up as soon as you feel that intervention is required.
Tell the truth
This is a given in any relationship. in monogamy or non.
The first is, tell your partner the truth about yourself, your feelings, and your sexual preferences and be open about it. The appropriate amount of disclosure is very important so that your partner knows what is going on in your life and how it will affect them.
Unfortunately, me and Danuthri can't exactly guide you on a formula as there is no such perfect mix for how much disclosure is best. It is a delicate process you and your partner have to create to get the right balance between allowing each person to have their privacy while providing you both with enough information to feel safe, respected, and up to date.
Block time for conversations
Conversations about challenges in a relationship should not be rushed. It doesn't mean that you need to put aside hours every day to talk through things with your partner, but that you will reserve the time when both you and your partner can dedicate full attention to what you want to share.
You mustn't jump to your partner’s request to talk if you are not able to be fully present. So make sure you both are well understood and are in sync.
Lastly, because women are so strongly socialized to value relationships and connection, they are more likely to communicate to achieve the first three goals: create intimacy or feel connected, tell a story, or ask for support or comfort.
Because men are trained to assess problems and “fix things,” they are more likely to use communication to solve problems or come to a decision.
Keep these in mind when you both open up for a little chat next time to overcome a challenge and even to emotionally support each other. These are some great tips we've got in our experience on and off the alternate lifestyle we happily live now.
We hope our post was insightful for you and your partner and you were able to take something back home.
And remember, me and Danuthri always encourage consensual relationships and safe sex practices. Love to all and drop us a message if you have any questions.
Comments